Central Plateau, North Island

Central Plateau, North Island
View from a friend's farm

Sunday, 28 April 2013

Once We Were Five

 

I am trying  so hard to accept that Poppy has gone, reality is cruel to the extreme, tears come so easily, the unknown is the worst of losing any pet.

Felicity looks, sits on the step and waits at her usual time after 4 p.m. looks in my wardrobe, under the bed, and any other place that might be a hidey hole for Poppy. Our family has suddenly shrunk to one, our matriarch, Felicity. Born late December,  1998, a silver tabby, short legs, thick fur, and a bushy tail,  she is now   14 plus, always a solemn girl, definitely a one man’s cat .

Felicity so comfy

Next to arrive at our home was Finn, in 2002, he and Mayumi were such good mates,The morning she was leaving, he hid, YES, really hid, until there were only a few minutes before we left to meet the bus. There he was, under the hydrangea bushes.  She picked him up, and he snuggled into her head, tears flowed down her face as she said goodbye. When Mayumi visited, in 2011, I showed her Finn’s grave.  We stood together, remembering the year of 2002, happy times.Here he is, Christmas Day, 2004, playing with paper and ribbon.

 

Finn December 2004

Toto arrived, and  we added another girl to the feline family, affectionate, cuddly, pale grey/blue. Her brother Oscar died when such a wee kitten, she always had weepy eyes after an accident when she collided into a wall. December 2008, ill for about a week, our lovely vet Dave helped her to the bridge.

I have always liked this photo  so much, she sat so quietly amid  the flowers, grassy bushes were her favourite, run, pounce, flip up and over,  and play in the fronds.

Toto May 2008 

Tom crept into our lives, arriving late at night, a quiet feed at the biscuit tin,then departing just as silently,This continued for several months, we thought our own were extra hungry!!! Then one night, there were 2 ginger boys waiting.He was the perfect gentleman, waited till the others had had a meal, never had a fight, not even a claw out at all.  He was the original peripatetic cat, here for a few days or longer, then away for some days or a week or two, Arriving back, raucous cries from the cat door to our bedroom, a huge flop on the carpet, and loud  purring. One of us would get up and give him a much needed feed. In the morning he  might be on our bed, or by the fire, or on my sewing table. 6th  April, 2011, he left early that morning, and we don’t know where he went, maybe to the other home we were so sure he had.  Be happy Tom, wherever you are. The late afternoon sun shone on his  deep ginger coat.

 

tom, February 2011

And now to Poppy, our wee girl who has left for places unknown. Tall legs, tabby with ginger threaded through, a real battler in life. We shared so much together, last year as the vet visits  in May took their toll, fur degloved off a hind leg,  surgery late one  Sunday night ( yes, after hours fee as well),  dressings twice a week. a cat cage for each visit, trips in the car, not one part of this was happy at all.I had tears one day at the vet’s, as I left her there for another operation . I hope for a miracle, but after 3 weeks, accept she might have found the Rainbow Bridge,Was the gate open for her? Did Finn and Toto meet her with joy? I accepted their deaths with sadness, grief, and tears, but closure was there.

Was Tom calling her, when  she left on 6th  April?…. 2 years to the day, maybe he is there waiting too at the bridge,What a greeting she would have been given, if she arrived.

Acceptance at our loss will come at some stage,meanwhile I look at her photos, and see  the happiness we had together.

Poppy in the garden

Quotation of the day, from Patrick Overton

“ When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown,

 you must believe that one of two things will happen.

There will be something solid for you to stand  upon,

or you will be taught to fly”

Greetings from Jean

29 comments:

Judith said...

Such lovely photos and memories, Jean. All of us who have given our hearts to beloved animals know that what you say is truth. And yes, it's the not knowing that makes an animal's loss harder to bear.

Nancy J said...

Yes Judith, you have been there too, I just want to know, and realise, with such sadness, I might never get an answer.Those of us who love an animal will have sadness at some time, and I have to accept.. Thanks for your lovely words..Jean.

Jenny said...

So sad reading your words, Jean. But lots of happy times too, remembering those pussies who have shared your lives.
Poor Poppy - where can she be? Guess you will just have to hope that she is loved and cared for by another family.
Was she micro chipped, by any chance?

Susan Heather said...

I feel for you Jean - it is not knowing that is the hard part.

Nancy J said...

Hi Jenny and Susan, lovely words, thank you so much, No microchip, no neighbours have her, the mystery is too hard.Happy memories always in my heart.Jean.

~Kim at Golden Pines~ said...

Jean, a lovely tribute to the cats you have shared your life with. As I've mentioned, cats were always my first love, and I wish I had more than one in my life... My tears are falling for you this morning because I am so very sorry that your precious Poppy has not returned. In time you will find that acceptance.... But I have no doubt whatsoever that if she is at the Rainbow Bridge the gate was open for her and she was met and welcomed by those who arrived before her and Poppy told them all about how you are doing and the wonderful life you shared.

Craig said...

Jean - I'm sorry to hear that there is no news of Poppy. But what happy memories you have of the "gang". The perils of owing and being so attached to pets...

Carol Mattingly said...

Letting go is the most difficult feeling we all grapple with. Do we move on or stay entrenched. The answer is never clear. Whatever we choose we pray is surely the best choice.

Nancy J said...

Thank you all, words of comfort helping so much, acceptance, even of the unknown, is slowly becoming reality, and I need to think more of all we shared,with each one,by themselves and all together.How can comfort and caring thoughts come so fast, across the oceans, and arrive here for me to read,and know you care,I am so thankful. Greetings, Jean.

FlowerLady Lorraine said...

Oh how sweet all of your felines were. My heart aches for you and your recent loss of Miss Poppy.

Your quote was amazing.

Love and hugs to you ~ FlowerLady

Nancy J said...

Hi Lorraine, I thought of you so much as I wrote those words,when I look for a quote sometimes it is there so quickly, others I look for ages till I find one that fits the day. Fond greetings, with many thanks for your words.

Nancy Claeys said...

I'm so sorry that dear Poppy has not returned. Do you have your cats spayed/neutered? I have 4 outdoor cats that are and they never stray far from home. xo

KB said...

Despite the sadness permeating life for you right now, you wrote beautiful descriptions of each of your wonderful cats. I feel as I knew them, and I wish that I could stroke their fur.

We each expose our hearts to potential grief when we love a furry friend. I'm so sorry that this is such a rough time, and I can imagine how hard it is for you to fully accept that Poppy may have crossed the bridge. My thoughts are with you, trying to send you strength and healing.

Nancy J said...

Yes Nancy, Poppy was spayed, a mystery as she did not wander off our place at all. and KB, yes as we love, when we lose, also grieve.Thankyou for lovely words of comfort. Greetings from Jean

Lindsjö taxar said...

Sorry to hear about Poppy, sad not to know.
Lovely written about our cats an those who are over at Rainbow Bridge

Nancy J said...

Hi Lindsjo, I look at your wee puppies,and am thankful for each new life,they are growing so fast,Your words are a huge help. Greetings from Jean

Jim said...

What a lovely and thoughtful tribute to each of your family of cats, Jean!! This is very cathartic for you to do, as I am sure you are aware. Celebrating the lives of these wonderful pets is so good for the soul. I do this on occasion as I think of each of our animals that have passed and crossed over the bridge.
Lovely post Jean.

Here I Am/Carrie said...

Oh Jean my heart goes out to you. Nothing worse then the not knowing. One can except so much easier when the fact is there. But when the thought that she could still be out hangs on forever. Don't give up hope yet. I have a friend who's cat was missing for 2 months and it was fixed as well. They had even gotten a new kitten, but due to allergies had to get rid of it. Then after 2 months the cat showed up again. Don't forget my cat Wildflower who disappeared while we were in California and I thought she was gone and dead only to hear she was still alive 4 months later. But when one disappears the not knowing can hurt so much more. I pray that if she is still alive, she will find her way back to you. You stories here of all your cats is so wonderful, but I am sure it helped to write about them right now. I am so glad to be back here on the internet. Sending you the biggest hugs.

Nancy J said...

Jim, true words, healing in the writing, Carrie, I still have hope, a friend said " Do not give up yet"Lovely you are back,and your words are a huge comfort to me. Greetings to all, Jean.

sophie...^5 said...

Your stories of your animals help us all in ways I never thought could be. I remember my family of animals since I was a child. They were sweet and tender and so loving like yours.
Thanks for this Jean. Will bethinking of Poppy and that you will find a place for her soon in your heart that won't be so aching!

Ron

Nancy J said...

Ron & Sophie, your words are so comforting,no tears for 3 days,I am so heartened by your words. And if my words help in any small way, I'm so happy . Greetings from Jean

Eggs In My Pocket said...

I read this as tears filled my eyes, thinking back on our beloved cats that have entered and left our lives. I miss them all. Loved your photos and the sweet memories you have of each one. Such a touching post.

Barb said...

So sad to lose them, Jean - I'm thinking of you.

Kathy said...

I'm sorry to hear of your Poppy passing. Maybe Dad has a new friend since his little Doggie is still on earth. Thank you so much for all your support for the pass few months while I took care of my Dad. Several people gave up on me but not you. Thank you so much for your prayers your words gave me strength to carry out some days. You are a precious lady and I really hope one day to meet you in person. Thank you precious one.

Tanya said...

You made me cry. I can't bear to think of loosing an animal though I know with 7 in the house now I'll have 7 more griefs to live through. Not knowing is the hardest though isn't it... I hope you'll take it to your heart to help another furry feline if it finds its way to you.

Gayle said...

You wrote your memories so beautifully. Thank you for sharing a piece of the joy your feline friends brought to your life. I am so sorry for the unknown.

Nancy J said...

As each day ends, I wonder all over again, and today another close neighbour thinks she has seen, maybe, Poppy at night near their back door.All your words are so comforting, thanks with all my heart. Greetings from Jean.

Dolores said...

My heart goes out to you. The loss of a pet is so traumatic - especially if one doesn't know for sure.
I hope one day you will find the loss not so painful. I also kitty hope that one day you will find another that needs to be loved.

Nancy J said...

I still hope, another friend thinks she has seen her in the last few days, late at night.Thankyou for lovely words, they do help my sadness so much. Greetings from Jean